DF

I have done a lot of things this year and worn a lot of hats, but by far, the hardest job that I have had all year…being a mentor and loving a kid like he was my own family.

I didn’t realize that I was signing up for this job, it sort of just happened. I have mentioned this student before, and I have referred to him as DF. When I look back on my 2nd year of teaching, I’m sure I’ll remember a lot, but I think the thing that I will remember the most will be my relationship with this kid.

DF transferred into my room after about the first 3-4 weeks of school because he needed to be in an Inclusion class due to special needs. He hit it off from the get go and had a pretty good relationship. Then I became his Facebook friend on my teacher page. I could tell there was a lot going on with this kid and that he needed a great deal of attention from adults. Now that I basically know the entire life story of the kid, I know that it’s because of the transitory situation going on at home. Throughout the fall months, we got pretty close and I even gave him my phone number. This started a pretty substantial texting relationship that I can only describe as a combination between mentor/mentee, big brother/lil brother, and almost on a level of friends from different worlds. My other teacher friends even started giving me a hard time because DF and I would text 40-50 times a day back and forth and they started to get “concerned”. I understood their concern, but I also knew that this was a necessary relationship for this kid.

By late fall DF would stop by my door every morning and hang out during Homeroom time (7:30-8:00) before going to 1st block, I would find him in the hall on the way to 2nd block, he then came to me for HAC, lunch, and 3rd block (11:00-1:30) and then I would always find him and wrestle him or chat with him after school until his dad picked him up (a routine that we STILL follow even into June!) Around November, DF told me that he would be moving to Charleston to live with his mom (part of the situation at home) sometime in January, a claim that his mom confirmed. I was extremely sad because I had really started getting to know this kid and would be sad to see him go. I decided to make the most of the relationship while he was in town.

January came and went, and he didn’t move. I was extremely relieved, knowing that it gave me at least a few more months. The months passed and I kept getting to know this kid on a much deeper level than any other student that I teach. I love (most of) my kids, but DF was different, I started really seeing DF as like a little brother. He would come in to Saturday school and I would just do one-on-one tutoring with him (as I am not a paid Sat. school teacher). I gave him an old Abercrombie sweatshirt because he loves that store like I used to when I was in middle school (haha). Then, his dad went out of town around Mother’s Day and I took him to school that whole week, getting him breakfast and frappucinos every morning and even dinner one night. One weekend he called me up and asked me to take him and one of his oldest friends out to dinner, so the 3 of us went to O’Charleys (no telling what the waitress thought about a 25 year old man hanging out with two 13-year-olds on a Saturday night…HA!) More recently, DF spend the day with Kelly Pinyan and I as we took him to lunch and then to the mall to spend his birthday money. We spent 3-4 hours with the kid and Kelly got to see exactly why you can’t help but love the kid.

As I just mentioned, his birthday passed recently. I ended going a little overboard with the presents. Of course I had to give him an A&F gift card. He also had talked about this new white rapper that Eminem had helped sign named Yelawolf, so I ordered that CD online. But the 3rd gift is the one that I wanted to share about. Earlier in the week of his birthday, DF tried to asked me what I got him. I wouldn’t tell him, so he started guessing. The first thing he said was “a math book or something”. So because he was thinking along the lines of a book, I jokingly said, “no, I got you a Bible”. I was just trying to joke because I assumed he would think that was a terrible gift, but to my surprise, his response was, “really?” I told him I was kidding and he said “you shouldn’t kid about that”. This led to a conversation where I basically told him that everyone should have a Bible, and he told me that he has never had one. Of course I left school THAT DAY and went to Barnes and Nobles to get him a teen study Bible. I get so wrapped up in what I have come to Charlotte to do for these kids academically, that I sometimes (shamefully) forget that I could also be a positive Christian influence on their lives (albeit that I still have to work within the parameters of separation of church and state and within a government building…however it IS North Carolina.)

Recently, there have been a few “incidents” that have completely rocked my world and my relationship with DF because they involved some really bad decisions on his part. It has really made me question if I could ever be a parent, because as much as I know that I’m dealing with teenage kids going through some of the worst years of their life, the amount that I care for DF makes it difficult to even see him make one bad decision, much less several pretty severe ones.

However, before these “incidents” and afterwards, DF has made several comments that make me realize how I have impacted his life. We were talking one night through text message and he comes out with this statement, “You came to me when I was at my lowest”. Now, one thing you have to know is that DF and I are constantly texting song lyrics to each other, usually from rap songs or hard rock songs. One of the most quoted is a song by Eminem and Dr. Dre called “I Need A Doctor” and is about their friendship in the music industry and how Dr. Dre is the reason that Eminem even has a career and now Eminem is the one that is trying to save Dr. Dre. So the aforementioned lyric is from that song. DF went on to tell him that he wasn’t just quoted a lyric, that he truly felt that way. When we met, he had just moved between his parents houses for necessary reasons and it has been really hard on him this school year. I was humbled by the fact that a 13-year-old kid can recognize a low point in his life and the thing that helped him through…and that I was able to be there for him in that way. Recently, during these “incidents” that have really upset me as someone who cares so much about him, he texted me one night and said “You must not know how much you mean to me, you’re my mentor”. That was the first time he officially called me his mentor and I could tell that he realized how bad he had disappointed me and how upset I was and he needed me to understand that he was sorry and still needed me in his life. These have been some of the most touching moments in my teaching career thus far.

Throughout this entire year, the one thing I have been the most nervous about is how DF’s parents feel about our relationship and how close DF is with one of his teachers. The recent “incidents” have been enough for me to understand that they are not only supportive of my relationship with their son, but that they actually appreciate it as well. In fact, DF’s dad gave me a random phone call the other day, just to thank me for how much I have done for DF and how much I have looked out for him this year. In addition, I have been talking to his mom on the phone a good bit, because she is still living in Charleston and needed to find out what has been going on with DF lately. After several phone conversations and a few text messages, DF’s mom texted me the other day saying “thank you for being a part of my village”. We have both been saying how it takes a “village” to raise a child, and she was recognizing me as being a part of that village for DF. Seriously, it’s almost too much for me to comprehend, but I know that I love this part of my job right now.

So even though I have been a stressed out emotional wreck for the last two weeks because of the things happening with DF, I also know that I love that kid like a brother/son/mentee/student/friend all wrapped into one and that we will stay in contact no matter what. With only 5 days of school left, I have come to terms with the end of us being in a classroom together for up to 3 or 4 hours together everyday. But the good news is that his mom is planning on moving back to Charlotte at the end of the summer! So even though he will probably go to a different middle school next year, he will still be in the same city as me and I can still keep tabs on him, behaviorally and academically!

Here are a few pictures of DF and I. Again, I have posted about him before so he should look familiar by now.

Me and DF at the Sports Banquet at school. He is wearing one of my old Abercrombie shirts here!

My "work family" - Ms. Cusaac is my "work wife" and DF is my "work son".

The top of this had DF's name. He wrote this in highlighter on my car one afternoon...the kid thinks he "owns" my car and me! haha